Laziness; depression; loss of friend; puberty; isolation; 6 years of home school: Why I am where I am.

As of now- 195 lbs. 5'4.

Changing that.

Motivation is the thing!

I am now officially a high school graduate. The ceremony was long, drawn out, with what seemed like hundreds of scholarships. Which, admittedly, would have been wonderful if almost all of the scholarships hadn't gone to only two people! Really, I mean, I don't know if that is the way it usually goes, with only a few people getting the bulk of the money, but it didn't seem fair to me. But then, maybe those two were the only ones with real ambition...most of the kids at the graduation were "at risk" teenagers. I wasn't, because I wasn't a member of that particular section of the school..it's hard to explain..There is on campus, but that one small campus houses three different schools. One is for the "at risk" kids; then a homeschooling station (where I went); then Adult Ed. All in all, there were about 80 people graduation from all three of those schools. They are very small schools, ha.

I was very nervous for some reason. I mean, I was dreading it. Not because I was afraid of being an adult, blah blah, but because I was going up in front of so many people, and I didn't know any of them. Being home schooled gave me this sense of isolation and social awkwardness. I felt sick even thinking about it. When we were all sitting in one of the class rooms I tried to talk to one of the other girls, but she wasn't interested. Maybe she was nervous, too, or having a bad day or something, but that didn't make me feel any better or more confidant. Tonight I'm supposed to go to Grad Night with on old friend that I just came into contact with again, but I'm starting to feel nervous. I'm such a wuss, but it's just that the last time I went out with a group when only one of them was my friend, I was the 6th wheel, you know? But, I know I will have fun. It's just the jitters, I suppose. But what do I have to be scared of? Crap.

Culture Clash

I cant help but feel hurt when I go onto sites and see people talking about how stupid Americans are. I was on imdb.com when I came across the American version of The Offices' message board, and all this guy said was that he didn't find the original British version funny and all these people ganged up on him telling him what a moron he was. They kept saying that Americans were to stupid to understand the subtle sarcasm about the show, that our sense of humor was far to "obvious" and dim-witted, that we need everything spelled out for us or we wouldn't understand. It's so discouraging to see that kind of anger and disdain towards Americans.
I'm not saying there isn't just cause to be upset at us- really upset. But to totally generalize ANY country as ANYTHING isn't fair. On this board, I'm assuming, just about all of the people who were saying these things were English as The Office is an English show. And if this is the case, how would they feel if I said that England was full of snobby, pretentious, mean, drunk techno freaks with bad teeth? Is that a fair generalization?
I'm not saying anything against playful banter or repartee-hell, I'm all for good humored banter. A day doesn't go by that I don't make fun of my Irish and Italian heritage, or make good humored fun of America and everywhere else I can think of, but this wasn't good humored. This was mean-spirited, spiteful stuff. But then, not many of the Americans on the board that were trying ti defend America were doing that great of a job. Such things as "We saved your ass in TWO World Wars!" and "We all know you guys are just jealous and want to be just like us.", or "Then why do so many people emigrate here and not to YOUR country?!" were thrown around multiple times. I love my home. But that doesn't mean that it's perfect. Far from it. Compared to England, France, and just about all of Europe, we are a very young country. We only became an actual country at about 1781. Thats roughly 226 years! How old is England?

In my mind it all comes down to three people: Chaney, Bush, and Rumsfeld. "But you people voted him in to office TWICE!" some may say. No.. Only once. Bush did not win the election in 2000. It was a cheat, contributed to by so many of his fathers bitches around the country. But yes, he did win in 2004. Why? Abortion, Same Sex Marriage, Iraq, Stem-cell Research. But firstly, let me stress this: HE IS NOT A CHRISTIAN! He is using the Christian Majority to get what he wants, to met his own ends. This is widely know. And the people who voted for him? Mostly middle America(excluding Alaska". The coastal sates (excluding Florida, North Carolina and South Carolina) are almost always Democrat. My mother has a theory, I don't know if its widely know or not, but its the first time I've heard it: Emigrants didn't usually go much farther into America than where they landed: New York, California, PA, etc. And these states got a constant flow of emigrants such as Poles, Irish, Italians, Germans; all of them had different languages and customs. A constant filtration of ideas went threw these states. But the South and Midwest... they got nothing. It almost seems like (most) of them never evolved with time. They were and are stuck in their ways. Nothing has changed.
I was deeply hurt by those peoples comments on that board. It was foreboding and made me feel fearful of travailing abroad. If I go to another country, will I bet met with hostility and ridicule? I have known for a while about negative feelings toward Americans, but what makes me most upset is the double standard. The French or the English insult us, but what if we fought back? If we insulted them, we are, yet again, stupid, lazy, dim-witted Americans and its not fair. I don't hate anyone. I've never done anything to anyone. I don't belittle other countrys or impugn the native peoples intelligence and character.
Thats what I think, at least.